Who am I as an educator?

 Recently, someone very close to me put a question to me- ' What is your role as a teacher/educator, what value addition are you doing to the lives of your learners?' The question was simple yet profound simultaneously and I could not give an  answer then.  Steering clear of sensationalizing the so called 'higher purpose' behind my move to the field of education, I thought about it from an entirely unemotional perspective.

Being a teacher was never in my plan of things, infact 25 years back when my beloved late father suggested I become a teacher, I had the unfortunate audacity to laugh and say, 'Who becomes a teacher, Dad?' Fate had other ideas - it led me exactly to the place I thought I'd never be in !

To come back to the question raised earlier, I don't have any noble or higher purpose because of which I teach. I teach because being with children help me comprehend my own reality in a clearer manner, I teach because these children help me feel sane and whole, especially when life conspires to doubt my very sense of being. As for value addition - well, I believe that I have an innate and inherent ability to understand children, especially those troubled by the world around them. Like me, they are trying to survive in a dignified manner and not letting the darkness swallow them. It takes a survivor to identify another. 

I am not sure about the role of an educator in this incredibly volatile world, but what I am absolutely sure about is the fact that children need love and acceptance. Learning will happen- we all have the skill to teach content, but what we need is empathy to first understand. A lot of learning is lost for unseen reasons, reasons we don't not want to address and resort to simply branding children as 'naughty', ' disruptive', ' trouble-makers' etc.. If  we just delve a little deeper and make an effort to create the right learning environment... we have covered the most difficult part of the journey!

Solitude

 Solitude, Einsamkeit, Soledad, Ekant... many languages same sentiment , same meaning. 

As I dwell upon life's essence , one recurrent thought has been about the significance of solitude.

A much misunderstood word, I have always felt that solitude is more often than not equated with loneliness. Most of us are scared of being on our own, alone, fearing the gloomy depths we may have to wallow in when alone. As a person more comfortable with my own company, I am more distressed at the thought of maintaining a facade of social consorting.  Being solitary does not mean you shun human contact; I have some good friends and love being with them. But given a choice, I would like to avoid the vagaries and complications of human behaviour in general. And as I get older, this notion of being on my own is becoming more and more tempting and endearing. Solitude doesn't always mean you are unhappy, neither does it mean you cannot survive well when away from human company.  Possibly, some of us are more in sync with our inner selves and feel comfortable alone; to emphasise the point, something I read sums up my feelings on the topic -  "I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes an option and not a necessity.”- Keanu Reeves.

Solitude can be beautiful too, you just have to be strong enough to be friends with it. Once you know the power and independence of solitude, you are free. Unrestricted by the world around you, your spirit is free- it lets you connect better with your own self and makes you much stronger. 

Rumi wisely said, "it is your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no-one can walk it for you." Reading it has made me wonder why we are so sacred to be alone?  Ancient wisdom, be it The Vedas or the Native Americans talk about solitude. Being on your own, being one with your own self in tune with the natural world.  Enjoy and embrace your solitude, you will discover you like it more than handling all the human drama around you😊😊!

You are who you are... May the force be with you!

 Like a dandelion in a field of roses... 

Is quite possibly the best analogy I can think of to summarize a lifelong struggle to fit in.  

Trying to fit in , to belong , to be part of the larger world around you can be an extremely onerous and cumbersome burden to carry for anyone- more so for an individualistically independent and quintessentially reclusive person . Oft misunderstood for their silence and mostly taken for granted  for their tendency to appease, it takes a long and lengthy struggle for one to finally be comfortable in one's own skin. To recognize oneself for who one is and hesitantly and reluctantly at first, trying to be assertive takes courage. 

To yearn to belong is an inherently primitive emotion and the lengths we go to achieve the same differs from person to person.  It can take many hues- from an angst driven shy teenager who wants to fit in with the trendy set; an adult who constantly gives in and obliterates his/her own individuality trying to fit into a relationship, in a new environment; to a nation furiously trying to tow the line of bigger, more powerful nations- All of it... Just to fit in.

But once in your life, when the Oracle finally whispers in your ears and you open your eyes, your heart and your mind, to the possibility of being free, of finally not giving a damn about the world around you...  Alis Volat Propriis- it simply means 'She Flies with her own wings'. And so you rise, rise above the meanness, the frivolity, the bondages of manipulations and coercions all around you. trying to hem you in, trying to forge you into who you are not!

Trying to steer the ship of your life away from the whirlpools  churning to suck you in, drowning you in a tempestuous swirl of emotions and guilt, will never be an easy journey. 

With persistence and tenacious grit, you will eventually find the strength in you to finally put down your foot and assert yourself- stand up for who you are or what you believe in and to do so unapologetically.  

And when you do that, you can finally be the person you were always meant to be ! 🙂

Find your Soul and You will live.

 

For my Dad

 For you Dad

They say it will heal with time and life goes on,

I guess it does and will; 

but I never will be whole again.

A part of me is lost... forever,

I look back and can't find you there, not understanding the reason why you had to be gone.

I know you can feel my tears and want me to be strong.

And I wipe.my tears and am glad you were there, glad of our memories together.

For your love has always been my lighthouse and you will steer me like always.

You did not go alone, you took a part of me with you. 

In gratitude , I hold  our memories tight ,

you may not be physically there but I won't mind anymore,

for the body is naught, we are one in spirit.

Au revoir Dad

21 Dec 2022

There is solace and comfort in grief, a warm embrace that is holding me together and not letting me shatter. And I don't feel like leaving her or crawling out of her lap, to face a world without my father. To say I am reeling with the loss is an understatement. We are all children till we lose a parent and then... we are just lost and adrift. 

No matter how much time i got to prepare for this eventuality, it was not enough. I cried, raged against god, googled survival rates, hoped against hope, thinking somehow he will ride over things. But that was not to be.  He left as he had lived, gently and without a fuss. A noble soul , he looked out for everyone and am happy that he knew till the end that he was loved and cherished by so many.

No matter how selfish I wanted to be to keep you here with me , I knew the pain you were going through. Rest in peace papa, till we meet again and I know you will be waiting for me at the other side when the time comes.

Sometimes....

 

It has been a year of contradictions, of conflicting emotions, of indescribable pain and yet of immeasurable hope and faith. 

Thankful for family and friends who rallied by me , took the time to call, message or meet and held me up after dad's passing away. 

Sometimes it is enough that we just get up and embrace life and thank you to my amazing support systems for helping me do just that. 

To memories, love, laughter, resilience and living it up...